The Survey

Recently, while trying to read an article from the New York Times Fashion & Style section, I got tricked into taking an online survey about banking. Tricked may be a bit strong, as I did willingly click to participate but to be fair I did think it was going to be about the New York Times. Ironic, I thought, as I answered questions about checking accounts, credit cards, loans, CDs, and a personal savings that I don't have. Ironic really,all the things in this world I: A. know the least about and B., am the worst at.

Then suddenly, without warning, the survey turned really nasty. Which of the following activities and interests do you and/or members of your household enjoy on a regular basis? the survey nagged me.

Foreign travel: YES!
Gourmet/fine food: YES!
Fashion/clothing: YES!

This is fun! I thought.

Physical fitness/exercise: Eh, well, John I guess can fullfull this checked box for the "household," ha... household.
Current events/news: Since I was trying to read Eric Wilson's most recent exposee "Oh, to Be Young and a Star" I think I more than qualify, I thought, patting myself on the back.
Wildlife/environmental issues: My mere association with parents such as mine more than qualifies me. Check!
Money making opportunities: I suppose if money fell into my lap I would accept it, sure, but what mean this "opportunities?" Doesn't this stupid survey know I would answer yes to the first three boxes, essentially ruling out entirely the possibility of this later one? I did specify my age at the beginning of this thing after all.
Book reading: I read a book this morning! I couldn't help but thank past Andrea for having such incredible foresight.
Self Improvement: What the.....
Watching or playing sports: What a well rounded pair John and I are, says the survey. I smiled here. What does "Self improvement" even mean?!
Charities/volunteer work: What?
Consumer electronics: I do want an iPhone, I thought guiltily, looking with a twinge at the box above.
None of the above:

Well, I thought, hastily taking my belated exit to glorious, materialistic reprieve, what a thoroughly offensive survey.